She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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