...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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