you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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