got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
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