I accidentally had phone sex last night
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
