Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
