dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
