I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
