PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Ketchup is God's man juice
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Randomize
