I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
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