whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
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