forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
