I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
