Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Randomize
