i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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