Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
