please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
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