I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
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