he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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