i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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