i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
