Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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