If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
