im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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