hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
