I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
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