Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
that's an acceptable place to lick
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
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