dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
