In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
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