I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
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