I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
