I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
