saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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