Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
i think im in europe. pls send help
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
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