I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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