Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
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Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
PANTIES FOUND
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