dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
