I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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