She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
