did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
