no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
