Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
