Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
