So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
