Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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