Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
