apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
