Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
When are your genitals available?
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
