It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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