Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
