Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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