so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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