adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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