I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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