Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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