actually, I'm a sock model
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
