Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
