I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Randomize
