3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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