we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
