so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
