im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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