Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
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