i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...