i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
