If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Randomize
