Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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