32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
make that 40.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.