I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming