he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.