On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
21 Dirty Secrets From Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties That Have Destroyed Marriages
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.