My friends, they love my intelligence
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
