i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
My feet surprised me
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
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