I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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