but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
