you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
