Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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